Why is it so easy to feel small? Why is it easy to quickly lose sight of the big picture? To lose our faith? To lose our hope? To lose our courage? Our courage to dream and to take big risks. As quickly as I believe in (and am inspired by), the endless possibilities that our amazing world has to offer, I can just as quickly be defeated. 

Reflecting back on this past year hit me harder than expected. Unbeknownst to me, I was teetering on the edge of dismay and disheartenment, hanging on by just a very thin thread. Inevitably, the thread gave way and sent me crashing down, burying me in unexpected emotions that I had no control over. 

They say this is part of the growth process (and part of life, really). That it's a product of being open and vulnerable, it sends you higher then you'd ever thought you'd go and undoubtedly lower then you'd ever want to go. I'd gather this is why some choose to play it safe and "keep on keepin' on" in the middle ground, protecting themselves from the lows and avoiding the highs. Sometimes that middle ground seems incredibly appealing to me. Sometimes I want to abandon the openness and vulnerability and rebuild those protective "walls". I was safer then. I was happier, then. Right?!?!

Though it may seem that way, the truth is, no, I wasn't. It may take a few hours/days/weeks of reflection, but deep down inside, I know it's better this way. 

I think a lot. I reflect a lot. A blessing and a curse. But I am learning to feel it all and share it all. To embrace the super lows and the amazing highs. To recognize, appreciate and find a purpose for them. 

Though I sometimes lose sight of the big picture (more often than I'd care to admit or want to), there has always been something there to bring me back. Traveling has always been a very reliable source of grounding for me. It's an instant reminder of just how large the world is and how minuscule our issues and fears can be. (There are plans in the works for travel, which I am super excited about and can't wait to share with you all!!! More of that later.)

This time, it wasn't travel. This time, I came across a saying during my morning ritual of cuddling with Emma and browsing through Instagram. Gathering the bravery to leave my nice warm bed to enter the arctic conditions of the outside world, both figuratively and literally. It was posted by @lisamessenger. 

"If it doesn't open - It's not your door"

It hit me. I rested my phone on my chest, collected my thoughts and took a deep breath. You're right. Everything happens for a reason. 

Just because it's not your door, doesn't mean you have failed. It doesn't mean that you should stop dreaming (or trying to open doors). Remember that. 

Carry on Life. Carry On. 

<3

Jenelle 

my little rendition of @lisamessenger's post